Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Hmmm... I should have read this yesterday so I would have had last night to think about this one. Something I have to forgive myself for? Tough. I honestly can't think of that one thing right now... maybe I will come back to this one once I think of one?
Monday, November 1, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Madelyn's 1st Hallowe'en!
Tomorrow it is -- Hallowe'en. A "holiday" that I am not overly fond of, but I think I am getting in the spirit. I can't wait to see her all dressed up in her cute (its a surprise!) outfit. I hope she doesn't hate it too much. Its so typical, right, to get all excited about a costume then to have your kid scream the entire time they are in it. Fingers crossed for us!! I will post pictures next week, maybe on Monday. Tomorrow is a crazy busy day for us. Wish us luck!
30 Days of Honesty
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Okay, something even tougher. I think I love that I am honest. The one thing people can always depend on I think is my honesty. It can be harsh and many times I will try to soften the honesty... Oh geesh. I love my honesty? I think I said in the last post I sometimes hate it! BUT in all honesty, I like that I am that person for people. I don't like bullshit or fakeness. And I am happy to say that I don't think I am ever fake towards people. Sometimes I wish I could be, but its just not me. And I think I love that about myself.
Okay, something even tougher. I think I love that I am honest. The one thing people can always depend on I think is my honesty. It can be harsh and many times I will try to soften the honesty... Oh geesh. I love my honesty? I think I said in the last post I sometimes hate it! BUT in all honesty, I like that I am that person for people. I don't like bullshit or fakeness. And I am happy to say that I don't think I am ever fake towards people. Sometimes I wish I could be, but its just not me. And I think I love that about myself.
Friday, October 29, 2010
30 Days of Honesty
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Wow. Just. One. Thing. I don't think I can name just one thing. That's kind of sad isn't it? I hate my body image. I hate going to my closet and not being able to put something trendy together because I feel like I'll just look fat anyways? Horrible. I know. And to think I was doing this in a bigger way for Madelyn to get to know who I was/am. Do I really want my daughter to have the same body images as me! Heck no. I hate that I am a pessimistic/realist CONSTANTLY. Something is always going wrong or bad. Like, really? Did I just say that? I hate that I can be an angry, selfish person. I hate that I am too honest with people sometimes. Maybe it would be best to not say anything at all -- even when people want the truth. I hate how I look in a pair of jeans. I hate that I am intimidated to go out with a bunch of girls (many of whom I don't know) I hate that sometimes I care too much about people who don't seem to care as much about me. I hate that I am not always so nice to my loving husband, who for some reason still loves me. I hate that I think this way. Wow. I hate, maybe I hate me? Is that at all possible? Yikes! Scary really.
Wow. Just. One. Thing. I don't think I can name just one thing. That's kind of sad isn't it? I hate my body image. I hate going to my closet and not being able to put something trendy together because I feel like I'll just look fat anyways? Horrible. I know. And to think I was doing this in a bigger way for Madelyn to get to know who I was/am. Do I really want my daughter to have the same body images as me! Heck no. I hate that I am a pessimistic/realist CONSTANTLY. Something is always going wrong or bad. Like, really? Did I just say that? I hate that I can be an angry, selfish person. I hate that I am too honest with people sometimes. Maybe it would be best to not say anything at all -- even when people want the truth. I hate how I look in a pair of jeans. I hate that I am intimidated to go out with a bunch of girls (many of whom I don't know) I hate that sometimes I care too much about people who don't seem to care as much about me. I hate that I am not always so nice to my loving husband, who for some reason still loves me. I hate that I think this way. Wow. I hate, maybe I hate me? Is that at all possible? Yikes! Scary really.
30 Days of Complete Honest (AKA 30 Days of Truth)
Okay... here goes a little something for me. I feel like it would an important thing for Madelyn to look back on this and read this. After all, I feel as though I am a very honest and straightforward person with everyone else... lets see if I can be this honest with myself. (I am a new blogger and not good at the whole blogger thing so I hope I can figure out how to put all these posts together!)
Over the next 30 Days I will be answering these questions:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
I have tried to add the link to where I got these questions from but like I said on her blog... I am a cyber idiot! Seriously, when did I become so out of touch with how the internet and computers work? ARGH!!!
Over the next 30 Days I will be answering these questions:
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself: tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
I have tried to add the link to where I got these questions from but like I said on her blog... I am a cyber idiot! Seriously, when did I become so out of touch with how the internet and computers work? ARGH!!!
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I've had the best two afternoon naps Monday and Tuesday. A cute little baby sleeping peacefully in my arms. Breathing deeply, giving the odd sigh.
I realize those days are almost over. I mean, to be completely honest her naps were barely an hour, mind you she did wake up happy but if she were to have slept in her crib it would have been longer. I can admit, I was selfish. I needed those two naps with her to remind of the baby I am losing and the little person I am gaining.
When she would only sleep in my arms I couldn't wait for her to nap in her crib. Now that she wants to nap in her crib I just want to hold her. I just want to take in the sleeping baby that needs me. That needs me to hold her to sleep and to feel safe.
I know she is becoming her own little person and I have a perma smile on my face watching her crawl, pull herself up, cruise to get the remote, stand on her own and then fall on her bum. Its amazing to watch her grow up, but heart-wrenching at the same time. I can lay her in her crib and she will slip peacefully into sleep. I know I need to continue what I am doing and its obviously working but I sometimes the urge to just cuddle and rock her to sleep is so strong. To watch her eyes drift into sleep and get that big sigh before being really asleep is so precious. A gift that I was given and now I know I need to be more realistic and let her go a little. I mean, deep down I know she will always need me but eventually that voice is going to come and its going to be loud and clear and I will not be ready for it "Mom I can do it myself." I am dreading the growing up. Its really hitting me now. I know its because she is making so much progress and growing up exactly how she is supposed to be, but really? I want to have this baby forever. I know, back to reality.
I realize those days are almost over. I mean, to be completely honest her naps were barely an hour, mind you she did wake up happy but if she were to have slept in her crib it would have been longer. I can admit, I was selfish. I needed those two naps with her to remind of the baby I am losing and the little person I am gaining.
When she would only sleep in my arms I couldn't wait for her to nap in her crib. Now that she wants to nap in her crib I just want to hold her. I just want to take in the sleeping baby that needs me. That needs me to hold her to sleep and to feel safe.
I know she is becoming her own little person and I have a perma smile on my face watching her crawl, pull herself up, cruise to get the remote, stand on her own and then fall on her bum. Its amazing to watch her grow up, but heart-wrenching at the same time. I can lay her in her crib and she will slip peacefully into sleep. I know I need to continue what I am doing and its obviously working but I sometimes the urge to just cuddle and rock her to sleep is so strong. To watch her eyes drift into sleep and get that big sigh before being really asleep is so precious. A gift that I was given and now I know I need to be more realistic and let her go a little. I mean, deep down I know she will always need me but eventually that voice is going to come and its going to be loud and clear and I will not be ready for it "Mom I can do it myself." I am dreading the growing up. Its really hitting me now. I know its because she is making so much progress and growing up exactly how she is supposed to be, but really? I want to have this baby forever. I know, back to reality.
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