Eating spaghetting...
Sunday, January 23, 2011
ONE!? NOOOOOOO!!!!
So, as of tomorrow I will officially be back to work. (I am not going back until Feb 17th but thats because of my 2010 vacay days)
My baby turns one on Tuesday. One. Where the hell did this year go? I'm sorry I wasn't a better blogger. I just can't believe that we are now going to be entering toddlerhood. Well, I can believe it. She already has toddler tendencies. Screeching, saying words, curious, standing, taking steps, and the tantrums. The "I'm going to put my head on the floor and cry because I think its going to get me what I want" Yes, she wants things now. Madelyn has her own brain, duh right?! As if it was never there in the first place and it wouldn't develope. Denial. She's not turning one, she's not turning one... she'll still be one on Tuesday. No matter how I couddle her, I can't keep her in my arms forever. So she might as well suck in the world into that spounge of hers as much as she can.
We did her first birthday shoot yesterday. As I watched her not sit still, get mad at us for placing her in position, and attempt to eat a very large cupcake, I couldn't have been happier. My baby is changing. I've changed. Shouldn't she? I mean really, it only makes sense, right?
I look back on the year that has just changed my life forever. I became a Mom. I became responsible for an amazing little being. Someone who for the next 12yrs (hopefully) will look up to me and then she will again once she hits 18. I know that those years will be the most challenging and I will be dying for my "baby" back.
I look back on the last year with a huge smile and some tears. She's made me cry out of frustration, smile, laugh, and cry out of shear joy.
She's made me proud more times than I can count,
and she's only one.
My baby turns one on Tuesday. One. Where the hell did this year go? I'm sorry I wasn't a better blogger. I just can't believe that we are now going to be entering toddlerhood. Well, I can believe it. She already has toddler tendencies. Screeching, saying words, curious, standing, taking steps, and the tantrums. The "I'm going to put my head on the floor and cry because I think its going to get me what I want" Yes, she wants things now. Madelyn has her own brain, duh right?! As if it was never there in the first place and it wouldn't develope. Denial. She's not turning one, she's not turning one... she'll still be one on Tuesday. No matter how I couddle her, I can't keep her in my arms forever. So she might as well suck in the world into that spounge of hers as much as she can.
We did her first birthday shoot yesterday. As I watched her not sit still, get mad at us for placing her in position, and attempt to eat a very large cupcake, I couldn't have been happier. My baby is changing. I've changed. Shouldn't she? I mean really, it only makes sense, right?
I look back on the year that has just changed my life forever. I became a Mom. I became responsible for an amazing little being. Someone who for the next 12yrs (hopefully) will look up to me and then she will again once she hits 18. I know that those years will be the most challenging and I will be dying for my "baby" back.
I look back on the last year with a huge smile and some tears. She's made me cry out of frustration, smile, laugh, and cry out of shear joy.
She's made me proud more times than I can count,
and she's only one.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Its happening. To me. I thought it wouldn't. I would have bet against it. Its still 6 weeks away. I still have 6 weeks. She's amazing. She's awesome. How can I possibly leave her in 6 weeks. Drop her off for someone else to watch her, teach her, take care of her. Someone else to hug her when she gets sad, someone else to snuggle her. How am I going to do it?
In all honestly, I thought I was going to be one of those Mom's that was going to be like, "Yeah, its cool." I didn't think it would hit me like this. I counted the weeks until I return and after the number hit me, I looked at those beautiful blues, hugged her and thought how am I ever going to do this?
I was never excited to be going back to work but I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home Mom either. BUT I wouldn't say thats exactly what I want either. I know that I need to go back to work and thats reality. That's what I keep saying to others -- maybe its because I am subconsciuously terrified to go back. If I say it enough times out loud maybe internally I will feel that way. Check that, not going to happen.I am going to cry on my way to work. I will probably cry on my way home from work and barely sleep because I will be dying to see her. I do get to ease back into work. I go in for two nights then its a long weekend. A long weekend away to Montreal to visit family...
In all honestly, I thought I was going to be one of those Mom's that was going to be like, "Yeah, its cool." I didn't think it would hit me like this. I counted the weeks until I return and after the number hit me, I looked at those beautiful blues, hugged her and thought how am I ever going to do this?
I was never excited to be going back to work but I never thought I would want to be a stay-at-home Mom either. BUT I wouldn't say thats exactly what I want either. I know that I need to go back to work and thats reality. That's what I keep saying to others -- maybe its because I am subconsciuously terrified to go back. If I say it enough times out loud maybe internally I will feel that way. Check that, not going to happen.I am going to cry on my way to work. I will probably cry on my way home from work and barely sleep because I will be dying to see her. I do get to ease back into work. I go in for two nights then its a long weekend. A long weekend away to Montreal to visit family...
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