I've had the best two afternoon naps Monday and Tuesday. A cute little baby sleeping peacefully in my arms. Breathing deeply, giving the odd sigh.

I realize those days are almost over. I mean, to be completely honest her naps were barely an hour, mind you she did wake up happy but if she were to have slept in her crib it would have been longer. I can admit, I was selfish. I needed those two naps with her to remind of the baby I am losing and the little person I am gaining.

When she would only sleep in my arms I couldn't wait for her to nap in her crib. Now that she wants to nap in her crib I just want to hold her. I just want to take in the sleeping baby that needs me. That needs me to hold her to sleep and to feel safe.

I know she is becoming her own little person and I have a perma smile on my face watching her crawl, pull herself up, cruise to get the remote, stand on her own and then fall on her bum. Its amazing to watch her grow up, but heart-wrenching at the same time. I can lay her in her crib and she will slip peacefully into sleep. I know I need to continue what I am doing and its obviously working but I sometimes the urge to just cuddle and rock her to sleep is so strong. To watch her eyes drift into sleep and get that big sigh before being really asleep is so precious. A gift that I was given and now I know I need to be more realistic and let her go a little. I mean, deep down I know she will always need me but eventually that voice is going to come and its going to be loud and clear and I will not be ready for it "Mom I can do it myself." I am dreading the growing up. Its really hitting me now. I know its because she is making so much progress and growing up exactly how she is supposed to be, but really? I want to have this baby forever. I know, back to reality.